18 April, 2006 10:25 p.m.

About an hour before meditating, I watched the match, and drank a coffee. When I started to meditate, I noticed a distinct alertness, that I haven't had before while meditating at night. I think the coffee may have something to do with it!
I started by counting my breath, first on the out breath, to 30. Then on the in breath, again to 30. Then I let go of the counting, and continually kept reminding myself to return to the present, the here and now.
After 10 minutes or so, I noticed my mind 'shifting a gear', it seemed to slow down. After 20 minutes, my mind had simply relaxed, there was very little mental chatter at all. I came into a tranquil state, which lasted for a few minutes. I remembered not to hang onto this, and it passed. My mind came back to the present. I said my prayer,"May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness...." during the prayer, my mind went very tranquil again, almost daydreaming.
I finished my prayer, and remembered not to become attached to this experience, so as not to have expectations on my next meditation.

I had a strange dream. I was playing the guitar(I can barely play a few chords!), I was playing full songs, and singing! Then, I noticed a tiger living in the shrubs in my old garden. He was sick. I fed him some meat from the fridge, and decided to nurse him back to help. I wondered when I awoke, did this dream have some bearing on my life/self improvement? Ah well, I will let it go....

Back to it

Meditation practice fell by the wayside for the past week. I've been feeling stressed at the moment, with Microsoft applying the pressure at work, and, starting in a new job. Tonight, I will meditate again. I am looking forward to relaxing, and letting go. Will write here again tommorrow.

5 April, 10:30 p.m. - 10:45 p.m.

I am very tired tonight, but I am going to stick to my practice. Sitting down on my cushion, I put in earplugs(girlfriend is typing assignments). I start to straighten my spine, and relax.

Thoughts about the day pass into my mind. Things that I said or done during the day, which I felt weren't really me.......relax.....let go.....
Starting to get sleepy now. I find myself watching the clock, counting the minutes until I can get into bed...I'm starting to think, I will need to meditate when I am more awake. .....relax,.....woooh, nearly drifted off there....
My right leg has become stiff and sore....I will let it go......it's ok for a moment....no, it's nagging again.....will I ever meditate!

This battle went on for fifteen minutes! I think I will sit in a chair in the future!

When the weekend comes, I will have a long meditation, I think outside. The cold outside will help to keep me awake.

Any advice out there?

4 April, 11:10 p.m. - 11:20 p.m.

This evening I spent time with my father & sister in Dublin, so not much meditation done.
Sitting on the bed, I started to relax my body, and, remembering to enjoy the experience(thanks asia). My mind was much less turbulent than yesterday, so I found it easier to start my meditation. I started by saying a prayer:

May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness.
May they be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
May they be free from attachment to some and aversion to others.
May they realise we are all the same, and have the same potential.

Then I started to meditate, focusing my mind on my breath. Thoughts come, thoughts about family and my home.....let it go...gone.....other thoughts come and go easily......sometimes it's alot easier to meditate than other times.

I enjoyed my meditation tonight, and I noticed during the day today, that I was very happy. I also 'caught' myself a few times about to have a negative reaction to something, and instead of getting frustrated or angry, I managed to let it go...

4 April, 5:30 a.m. - 5:50 a.m.

It's so early! I'm soo tired! This is going to take some discipline to do every day. But, anything worth doing is never easy.

I decide to meditate downstairs, as Girlfriend is snoring her head off, and I need the light on to meditate(or I will fall asleep!). Begin by streching legs, arms and back. Kneeling on the ground, I start to relax my mind. It's hard to believe how active my mind is this morning! It's a real battle to focus my mind on the breath, I will push on....relax....
Mind is like a bag of snakes! I can't tell one thought from the other! Pre-occupied with bed.......sleeepyy....."wake UP!", ok, we're back again......thinking about cherry floors ( ;-) .....mind wandering into kitchen units, appliances......woops, back to breath.....ah, some clarity...............soft furnishings.....doh, back to breath......let go......, legs are stiff, let go..........tired...ok then lets go back to bed.

Yes, I wussed out after 20 minutes and went to bed! Well, a bodhisattiva never helped anyone without having enough sleep :p

Even though my meditation was 'turbulent' to say the least, I am pleased that I have started the process.
I am happy today, because I am finally on the path!

Thank you all for your encouragement!

3 April, 10:50 p.m. - 11:07 p.m.

Right, here we go. First meditation session. I am in my girlfriend's old bedroom in her mother's house. There's a bit of background noise; woman downstairs speaking loudly, dogs barking outside the window behind me, my dog playing with squeaky toy. Girlfriend is studying, turning the pages of her manuscript which are grating off the duvet. (I'm sensing irritability here!).

Feeling quite tired, I sit in the 'Burmese' position(because I cannot do Lotus, or nothing resembling it!). Basically, I am sitting on three cushions, with my legs folded back, kneeling. I settle my body, and keep my spine straight, and....relax....

Thoughts are coming, and coming, and coming. I hardly can meditate at all! I find myself becoming mildly irritated at the sound of the loud woman downstairs, and the dogs barking......let it go.......it's gone!

Mind wandering again........back to breath......gone again........still gone......back to.....gone again.....sleepy.....bed....I want to go to bed.....*meditate!*....no, that didn't work.....i'm struggling.

Well, I was expecting alot of 'turbulence' from my mind starting off.

15 minutes have past, and I cannot keep my eyes open anymore!

I resolve to be more organised about it tommorrow. Also, as my legs felt quite stiff after the practice, I think streching beforehand will improve things.

The first day

When I was growing up, I was always happy. The sun seemed to shine all the time. But, even when times were hard, always inside I had a good spirit. Once past the puberty/hornbag days, I started to experience the onset of negative mind-states, worry, fear and the like. I wanted an answer to help me cope and overcome these mind states. I searched for a few years, experimenting with Witchcraft, Scientology, Spiritualism, until I found something that made sense to me....Buddhism.
I will be posting my experiences on here for others to learn from my mistakes, and to point them out to me. I am posting a current schedule that I will be following meticulously.
Thank you,
Ken

Timetable can be found here in PDF Format.
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